A Seat at the Table

Have you ever noticed that dogs have no respect for boundaries?

They come sniffing around any time we sit down for a meal, sometimes being so bold as to stick their nose right up in my business, knowing full well they aren’t invited to the table.

And I have to remind them to go lay down and I will see them when we’re finished with dinner.

If someone gives in and feeds them something, even the smallest of crumbs, it only encourages their behavior. (Pap, I’m looking at you…) That little tidbit is just not enough.

When we first got our dogs, there was a lot of whining as they sat near us at the table. They wanted what we had, and were not shy about begging for it. But we had to keep telling them to go lay down, it’s not their dinner time yet. Most of the time they reluctantly obeyed.

You know what? Not everyone gets a seat at my table.

Don’t get me wrong- I will feed anyone who is hungry. We seem to have a varying cast of characters around our dinner table at any given time, and I really love it!!

But if we’re talking about a metaphorical table: intimate conversation, important details of my past, my struggles and fears, my spiritual growth and needs- not everyone gets to sit at that table and listen, and give input into those parts of my life.

If I’ve tried to share with you in the past and your response is always to belittle, or shame, or show disrespect, guess what? You’re not invited back to that table.

If you always seem to be sniffing around for something good, and you tend to ‘snatch and grab’ and then take off, you’re not getting invited back to the table.

There will be people in our lives who do not truly care, but want to know everything. They sit next to the table whining that they want something, anything. And perhaps I trust them with a little tidbit, but it isn’t enough. They whine and beg, wanting more.

But have you noticed these people never seem to bring anything to the table? All they do is complain about the food, or make nasty comments, or ask completely unrelated questions as if they’re above whatever conversation is taking place. They don’t share anything from their lives. They act as if they’ve never even heard of sin, let alone done it.

They don’t get to sit at my table.

At family holidays there is usually an adult table and a kids’ table. You have to have a certain level of maturity to sit at the adult table. You can’t throw food. Or fits. You can’t complain and antagonize, or be rude. You have to grow up a little before you can sit at that table.

And we can set those same boundaries in our personal lives.

If someone is immature in the faith and doesn’t get that they’re bringing you down, just seat them at the kids’ table. Keep an eye on them. Check in on them and make sure they’re doing okay. Feed them, and lovingly teach them manners.

And when they’re ready, move them up to the adult table of your life- IF YOU WANT TO. It’s not a given progression.

Sometimes as Christians we think it’s mean or rude to not let everyone into our inner circle. But it isn’t, it’s wise. We should love and care for everyone, yes, but that doesn’t mean that everyone gets to have intimate access and input into my life.

It’s okay to not let everyone in. It’s okay to set healthy boundaries. And it’s okay to not tell everyone the intimate details of your life. In fact, it’s preferable.

Ask the Lord for wisdom, and in love, set boundaries. Jesus did! He had His core group of men that He invested in. He fed everyone who was hungry, but only a few had a seat at His table.

John 2:23-25
(23) Now when he was in Jerusalem at the passover, in the feast day, many believed in his name, when they saw the miracles which he did.
(24) But Jesus did not commit himself unto them, because he knew all men,
(25) And needed not that any should testify of man: for he knew what was in man.

Titus 2:7-8
(7) In all things shewing thyself a pattern of good works: in doctrine shewing uncorruptness, gravity, sincerity,
[8] Sound speech, that cannot be condemned; that he that is of the contrary part may be ashamed, having no evil thing to say of you.

Romans 12:9-10, 18
(9) Let love be without dissimulation. Abhor that which is evil; cleave to that which is good.
(10) Be kindly affectioned one to another with brotherly love; in honour preferring one another;
(18) If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.

Galatians 5:22-26
(22) But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith,
(23) Meekness, temperance: against such there is no law.
(24) And they that are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.
(25) If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit.
(26) Let us not be desirous of vain glory, provoking one another, envying one another.

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