Boundaries

What does a red light mean to you? How about the white line at intersections? Do you even give them any thought?

It seems lately that so many people disregard them both entirely. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve almost been side-swiped because someone blew through a light that had been red for at least five seconds. And I’ve seen plenty of other people run up on an intersection, see the light is already red, and just keep going- stopping WAY past the white line.

In case you didn’t know, but you have a driver’s license and operate a motor vehicle, a red light means STOP. No matter who you are, no matter what lane you’re in, no matter what car you’re driving. S-T-O-P.

And those white lines painted on the road are guides. They were designed to keep cars far enough back from the light so we can see when it changes from green to red.

The white line also benefits the people in cross-traffic who need to turn left. We are far enough back so they can make it around us without swiping us or having to swing wide and hit the curb.

When we blow past the line on the road, and we disrespect the boundary that has been put in place, what we’re saying is that we don’t really care about the other people on the road- the important thing is that we do what we want, or get where we’re going when we want to get there, regardless of who we inconvenience or hurt.

Because honestly, if you are an alert driver, paying attention, you aren’t goin to blow through a red light. You just aren’t. You won’t be so distracted that you stop way past the light and now have to scoot down near the steering wheel and crane your neck uncomfortably to see if the light has turned green yet.

You’ll just remember that you are not the only person on the road, that there are boundaries set in place for a reason, and you’ll respect the other drivers enough to be polite and conscious of your surroundings. Not to mention being a good citizen who follows the law.

Not surprising, this also applies to life.

When a person turns their light to red and says STOP, that’s a boundary. And it doesn’t matter if you’re in a relationship where this has a physical application, if you’re getting to know someone new, or if you’re in ministry and looking for people to serve, if someone tells you to go home because it’s late… (Or any other kind of relationship or situation.)

It doesn’t matter who you are, what your position is, what you station of life is, or who the other person is. STOP means STOP for everyone.

If you plow through their red light, or stop your car over their white line, or keep inching forward when their light is SOLIDLY red, and expect them to just be okay with it, then you don’t really care about that person. And you are selfish.

Yes, I said it. That’s facts.

You may not like a boundary a person has set. You may think it’s stupid. You may disagree with their boundary on principle. Guess what? It doesn’t matter. Their boundary is for THEM, not for YOU. Even if you’ve known a person for a really long time, you don’t know EVERYTHING about them.

People have boundaries for all kinds of reasons, and they don’t even have to explain them to you if they don’t want to. They just have to set them. A good fellow citizen will respect them. And over time, perhaps you will get to learn why they were set in the first place, and they will trust you enough to be able to relax them. Or not.

Sometimes a boundary is set because a person needs more time to think through a situation or experience before they give you an answer. Or they need to take a hard look at their schedule before they say yes to getting involved in a ministry. Maybe they need more space from people and ask you to go home. Or perhaps they’ve set a boundary because they’ve seen behaviors from you they don’t like, and they will not welcome your drama into their life.

It doesn’t matter why. Respect their boundary.

When we are on ‘auto pilot’ just cruising through life, distracted by our own goals and ideals, it is easy to run over people and their boundaries, to just plow through and not be considerate. Everyone is different. Not everyone is a go-getter. Not everyone wants to be busy 24/7 or have 10,000 friends. Some people actually need quiet. (Actually we’re all supposed to make consistent time and be quiet.)

It’s so good for us to take time and really listen to and get to know people, and not just see them for what they can do for us, or try to “be the one to break them out of their shell”. If that’s your motivation, then the foundation for the whole relationship is already all about you.

Jesus has called us to love and serve one another. We are not supposed to be all about ourselves. We are called to live higher than that. I am called to love my neighbors on the road of life like I love myself.

With God’s help, I know I can do it!

John 13:34-35
(34) A new commandment I give unto you, That ye love one another; as I have loved you, that ye also love one another.
(35) By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.

Proverbs 25:17
Withdraw thy foot from thy neighbour’s house; lest he be weary of thee, and so hate thee.

Galatians 6:2-3
(2) Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.
(3) For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself.

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
(4) Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
(5) Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
(6) Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
(7) Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.