Questioned Character

Have you ever had a person question your character? Or falsely accuse you? Twist your words and work behind your back to try and convince others you are doing wrong? 

Or, God forbid- you’ve been the accuser? 

I have been in this situation several times in the past, and it is not pleasant. I was recently reading in Psalm 38 and there is a wonderful plan for dealing with conflict of this kind. I see five steps to help us sort through what is good and right. I must sadly admit that I have not always followed these in the past, but the Lord has taught me this is His way for approaching this sort of conflict. 

1. Remember that you are a sinner, and grieve over your sin. Don’t just recite it as a fact that ‘everybody has sin’, and then become complacent about it. It should make me restless that I am so weak and sinful. Have I prayed like this in confession to the Lord lately? 

When I remember that I am a sinner, it helps me to keep proper perspective that the other person involved is as human as I am. I am not better than them because they ‘started it’. 

(3) There is no soundness in my flesh because of thine anger; neither is there any rest in my bones because of my sin.

(4) For mine iniquities are gone over mine head: as an heavy burden they are too heavy for me.

(5) My wounds stink and are corrupt because of my foolishness.

(6) I am troubled; I am bowed down greatly; I go mourning all the day long.

(7) For my loins are filled with a loathsome disease: and there is no soundness in my flesh.

(8) I am feeble and sore broken: I have roared by reason of the disquietness of my heart.


2. Examine WHY the other person’s actions are hurtful to you. Is it because it has sparked your pride; because now your reputation is in question and your character is being examined? Or are you truly hurt that the name of Christ may be damaged? Recognizing if there is sin in your response will determine your course of action. You’re a sinner, remember? Your feelings of injustice may be misdirected and selfish.


3. Refuse to listen to what others try to pass along, even if they think you ‘need to know’. Not listening to inflammatory speech about yourself, especially when passed on by a concerned party who may or may not be getting it right (and possibly slightly exaggerating), is neither helpful, nor righteous. 

If your initial response is outrage because of your pride being damaged, your flesh will want to gather every shred of evidence against the other person, and will rejoice (even if silently) that they are digging a big hole for themselves. 

This is wrong! Refuse to listen to anything from anyone other than the other person directly involved.

(13a) But I, as a deaf man, heard not;

(14a) Thus I was as a man that heareth not,


4. Refuse to defend yourself. Even if what they are saying is a lie. Even if they are twisting what you actually have said, and using it to inflame others against you. Even if you feel indignation rising up inside you, and you are dying to set the record straight- don’t do it. That is an automatic response of your flesh who doesn’t want to be perceived poorly by others. 

Instead, pray and let the Lord fight the battle for you. Rest in Him knowing the truth, and trust that He will make it right in His timing. (Remember, if you refuse to listen to what is being said about you, how can it inflame you to speak up?)
(13b) …and I was as a dumb man that openeth not his mouth.

(14b) …and in whose mouth are no reproofs.

(15) For in thee, O LORD, do I hope: thou wilt hear, O Lord my God.


5. Remember again your state as one in need of forgiveness, and be sorrowful. Remember that the One who is the Lord your salvation can also save you from any situation formed against you. Even if your enemies are continually busy working. Even if others are joining the cause (without cause). 

They may become more angry because you refuse to fight back, but you follow what good is. Keep on with the good anyway. The Lord will be your salvation.

(17) For I am ready to halt, and my sorrow is continually before me.

(18) For I will declare mine iniquity; I will be sorry for my sin.
(19) But mine enemies are lively, and they are strong: and they that hate me wrongfully are multiplied.

(20) They also that render evil for good are mine adversaries; because I follow the thing that good is.

(21) Forsake me not, O LORD: O my God, be not far from me.

(22) Make haste to help me, O Lord my salvation.


These are not easy things to do! But when they are so clearly laid out before me, how can I refuse to do them? When I try and take control of situations and things, I not only become exhausted and worried and consumed with the issue, and grow bitterness against someone else, but I also push God off the throne, and act like I have to take care of business by myself. What a mess I end up with!! 

Ask me how I know. Actually, don’t. Just trust me on this. 


1 Peter 3:8-16
(8) Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:
(9) Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.
(10) For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:
(11) Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.
(12) For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil.
(13) And who is he that will harm you, if ye be followers of that which is good?
(14) But and if ye suffer for righteousness’ sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled;
(15) But sanctify the Lord God in your hearts: and be ready always to give an answer to every man that asketh you a reason of the hope that is in you with meekness and fear:(16) Having a good conscience; that, whereas they speak evil of you, as of evildoers, they may be ashamed that falsely accuse your good conversation in Christ.