Critical Spirit

Have you ever been on the receiving end of criticism from someone and thought “Where did THAT come from? Feels like left field to me…”

And you spend time examining yourself, and recent conversations, and social media posts, and wonder what in the world you did or said that would make them say something like that to you. You may even begin to feel like this person is a Job’s friend. (If you don’t know what that means, go read the book of Job. It’s pretty obvious.) 

They may not even be close to you. Perhaps you saw them in passing, or you haven’t even seen them in person at all in the past five years, and they send you a critical email or facebook message out of the blue. 



When faced with something like this, we need to keep in mind the source of the criticism. Is this person someone I see living out their faith in Jesus? Is this person someone I would recommend a new Christian be discipled by, or a person I would ask for advice when I’m struggling? Is this person speaking from a heart full of love for Jesus and the Word? 

Or is this person speaking from a heart that intends to wound? Are they trying to tear down, or build up? Are they a follower of Christ? Is the Word of God important to them? Are they working through an issue in their personal life right now that may be overwhelming them? 



Sometimes people say things they don’t mean in a moment of anger and frustration. Sometimes people say things with good intentions, but in the wrong way, and they end up wounding others. The overall fruit of a person’s life is important to keep in mind when you’ve been on the receiving end of criticism or complaint. 



But even if the criticism is from an unreliable source, there could be a note of truth in it. It would be worth our time to examine ourselves in light of what the other person has said, and see if there be any wicked way in us. Because while I may in some regards be my own worst critic, I am also my biggest fan. Especially when it comes to denying wrongdoing. 

Oh, is that just me? Again? Fine. (See- I believe you. Nudge-nudge-wink-wink.)

Matthew 12:33-35
(33) Either make the tree good, and his fruit good; or else make the tree corrupt, and his fruit corrupt: for the tree is known by his fruit.
(34) O generation of vipers, how can ye, being evil, speak good things? for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh.
(35) A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things.

What is the treasure of their heart like? What is the abundance of their heart that is affecting their mouth?

A phrase that I heard (or read) somewhere that I believe is good advice is this: “Never take criticism from someone you wouldn’t take advice from.”

What does that mean? It means that when someone criticizes me, I need to consider the source. If this person is not someone I would seek out when I need advice, then I also need to take their criticism with a grain of salt. If where they are in their Christian walk is not somewhere I want to be, then perhaps their criticism isn’t something I should take to heart. 

Some people give advice they aren’t living out. If the way they deal with conflict, or their children, or people in ministry, or their job, or their marriage is not something I want to emulate, then I need to keep that in mind before allowing their words to sink in too far. 

Many times I let all the words of others affect me deeply. I let them burden me and create doubts, affect my day, and my spirit. 

There are a lot of people who complain for the sake of complaining, and you or I just happen to be in their way as they go about doing it. What to them is just a passing thought they throw into my life can become something that affects me for a long time, because that is my nature. (If you’ve ever taken an enneagram test, I’m a 2 in case you wondered.) 

The other person may not even remember they said it, and when confronted (if I am mature enough and brave enough to do so) they will deny it, because it had absolutely no meaning or value to them- it was just another gripe in a long string of complaints and criticisms, and they forgot they said it almost as soon as they released into the universe. They may even wonder why you’re so upset. 

So be careful to whom you turn your ear and heart.


Proverbs 15:31-33

(31) The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise.
(32) He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding.
(33) The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility.

Put the words you’ve received through this test: Is it the reproof of life? Is it coming from a heart that is abundant with Jesus? Is this person humble, and walking in the fear of the Lord? Hmm, am I possibly refusing instruction? 



I need to also put my own words through this test before I give them out. Have I prayed about saying this? Am I trying to build up or tear down? Do I genuinely have a concern, or am I just venting to/against the person who happens to be nearest when my frustration boils over? 

Lord, help me.

Psalm 141:3
Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips.